Trader Joe’s Korean Disposition

You ever notice how in the hood — excuse me, “the Black community,” because we’re being formal here, don’t want to step on anyone’s fresh Nike dunks — every business is owned by somebody not from the neighborhood? Korean shops, Chinese takeout, the dude who looks like he hacked your Wi-Fi just by blinking at it… Everybody’s there except the people who actually live there. It’s like the whole block is running on a franchise model nobody told us about.And the funniest part? They’ll take our money with a smile, but live there? Oh no. They drive in like they’re on a safari: “Look, children—observe the wild villagers in their natural habitat.” – and why do they have to be wild?

Honestly, I can’t blame them. Half of us don’t want to live there either! You ever walk down your own block and get nervous? That’s when you know it’s real.

And speaking of preaching… who invented the phrase “preaching to the choir”? Have you ever seen a choir at church? They’re behind the pastor. They’re not getting preached to; they’re just staring at the back of his head like:
“Is the sermon almost over? These robes are hot.”

If anything, it should be:
“The pastor preached… and the choir overheard and overheated.”
Let’s keep it honest.

And then I Google “choir” and all I see is a bunch of folks who look like they just got done singing at King Charles’ brunch. But I add “gospel,” suddenly the screen is filled with people who can hit notes that can fix your credit score. Racism is alive, well, and apparently running Google Images. Donald Trump probably has a search filter named after him.

Another pet peeve: people who play word games like life is a vocabulary exam.

They ask, “Were you listening?”
“Yes.”
“Well, did you hear me?”
“Yes.”
“No, because listening and hearing are different.”

What?! Man, this is not Scrabble. I’m not trying to impress the judges at the Spelling Bee. I heard you. I listened. I processed the nonsense. Please move on.

But nothing—nothing—irritates me more than false advertising.

I went into Trader Joe’s thinking I could, you know… trade. Because that’s the name! “Trader Joe’s!”
I walked in there with some day-old Kroger bread and a box of Lucky Charms like I was on the Oregon Trail. I thought we were about to barter like pioneers. I was feeling bold.

I asked the cashier if I could trade my Lucky Charms in, maybe pay the difference. She looked at me like I had just asked for a kidney.
“Sir… we do NOT carry Lucky Charms because that is unhealthy.”

Oh, excuse me. I didn’t realize I walked into “Whole Foods Lite.”
Then she tells me the name Trader has nothing to do with trading.

Ma’am… what?!
So you’re telling me if I go into Burger King, there’s no royalty?
If I go into Dollar Tree, there aren’t any trees?
If I go into Hooters… well, okay, that one checks out.

And after all this, they call security to escort me out like I tried to barter a raccoon for a jar of peanut butter.
So yeah—Trader Joe’s will NOT be getting my business. Or my bread. Or my Lucky Charms.

Anyway, if you’ve got rants, drop them below. Let the MaDnE$$ know!