{"id":464,"date":"2025-11-29T14:56:13","date_gmt":"2025-11-29T14:56:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/pizzanpopcorn.com\/?p=464"},"modified":"2026-01-15T17:25:33","modified_gmt":"2026-01-15T22:25:33","slug":"mandela-summoned","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/pizzanpopcorn.com\/?p=464","title":{"rendered":"Mandela Summoned By African Headhunter on World Stage"},"content":{"rendered":"
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(NNTN) –<\/strong> The world and CIA watched in horror as an African tribal headhunter under the influence of hallucinogenic drugs stood on the world stage at Nelson Mandela\u2019s memorial service and used sign language interpretation  to forecast the earth\u2019s apocalyptic end while standing alongside world leaders like U.S. President Barack Obama.  When apprehended<\/span> after the ceremony the CIA officials inquired with the man as to how he was able to enter the arena and get on the stage with all the heightened security measures that were put in place. What made it even worse was that the man was wearing nothing more than a grass skirt, nose ring and a voodoo stick which he had placed on the ground before he began his interpretations. He recalled hearing voices of demons in his head giving him directions to the stadium, which  the police validated  was Fidel Castro\u2019s brother\u2019s stolen BMW\u2019s navigational system that was reported missing earlier that morning. As they dug deeper into the inquiry the tribesman recalled \u201cthat angels were entering the stadium.\u201d The angels that he met guided him onto the stage and told him God wanted him to work in his vineyard. Those angels turned out to be the Roman Catholic churches pubescent boys choir. They were clad in shiny satin white robes with red crosses and sang \u201cMy work here is not done yet\u201d, an old negro spiritual, as they lead the procession to the stage. As he was coming down off his high he became afraid for himself because he was surrounded by armed guards and police. \u201cI was surprised that my astral projection of a dignified African sign language interpreter was so well received by all because I was wearing only traditional tribal headhunting garb\u201d said Thamsanqa Jantjie. Thamsanqa also was able to recollect turning himself into a goat during a botched car robbery attempt to avoid capture, however he was still apprehended and was kept in a barn for several weeks and became good friends with a pig named Wilbur before being recently released by the police who were thoroughly convinced that he was really a goat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A South African deputy Cabinet minister, John Bogo-Zulu, later held a news conference to formally announced that \u201cmistakes had happened\u201d and Jantjie was their Borat. However, many questions still remain. Questions like who in the government hired the company that contracted Jantjie, how much money was paid off to embarrass the South African government  and whether said company really exists or did this man act on his own. Government officials said have tried to track down the company that provided Jantjie but the owners \u201chave vanished into thin air like everything else here in Africa \u201d said Bogopane-Zulu, deputy minister of some kind of African Women\u2019s group. Ordinarily, sign language interpreters in South Africa are switched every 20 minutes to maintain their concentration levels, she said. Jantjie was on the stage for the entire service that lasted more than four hours. It is still unclear how long his hallucinogenic episode lasted and if voodoo was really used to prolong his on stage shenanigans. Once again the American national security chief is once again under scrutiny and the CIA have done little to clean up their already tarnished image of scalawags and whoremongers, they can safely add global shenanigans to their already growing resume thanks to this debacle. In light of all the negativity, global embarrassment, political shame, and ruined security reputations caused by Jantjie he managed to make the cover of not just one but two magazine covers \u201cBlack Magic Today\u201d and \u201cTribesman of the Year\u201d. As an added bonus he managed to walk away with a photoshoot and the title: \u201cMost Mysterious Man of the Year.\u201d Respect.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A South African deputy Cabinet minister, John Bogo-Zulu, later held a news conference to formally announced that \u201cmistakes had happened\u201d and Jantjie was their Borat.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"cybocfi_hide_featured_image":"yes","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[51,44,45,48,46,52,29,54,55,53],"class_list":["post-464","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news","tag-african","tag-blog","tag-bottom","tag-bucket","tag-comedy","tag-headhunter","tag-satire","tag-stage","tag-summon","tag-world"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pgXSPI-7u","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1636,"url":"https:\/\/pizzanpopcorn.com\/?p=1636","url_meta":{"origin":464,"position":0},"title":"Serious 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