Midweek Mix-up

January 1, 2026|

Welcome to the Midweek Mix-Up, where we grab a full smorgasbord of headlines, throw them into the Borg cube, and emerge with one perfectly blended, mildly unhinged news smoothie. Think of it as a homemade Mountain Dew Baja Blast for your brain — loud, confusing, and somehow refreshing — all mixed up right in your own kitchen. Sip responsibly, brace for flavor collisions, and yes… Flamin’ Hot popcorn is absolutely optional (but spiritually encouraged). 🍿🥤

Market Sneeze Primes Mass Reboots in Politics

🍕🍿 NNTN — Not the News, Totally Necessary Finance & Power Suits

Markets jittered today after Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell hinted—again—that interest rates are “data dependent,” a phrase now ranked just below “we need to talk” stirring up deep feelings of emotional damage. Over in Silicon Valley, NVIDIA CEO Jensen Huang sneezed near an earnings call and somehow sent AI stocks soaring like Top Gun: Maverick jets on afterburners, while analysts on CNBC froze mid-sentence like extras on Succession. Meanwhile, Jamie Dimon of JPMorgan Chase warned of “economic headwinds,” which investors translated as “maybe downgrade from extra toppings to just cheese and breadsticks tonight.”

the BBC politely zoomed out so viewers wouldn’t notice everyone Googling “cheaper pasta recipes.” behind the backs of their eyelids.

Politics & World News:
Across the big pond called the Atlantic Ocean, UK Prime Minister Rishi Sunak spoke about economic resilience while the BBC politely zoomed out so viewers wouldn’t notice everyone Googling “cheaper pasta recipes.” behind the backs of their eyelids. In Europe, leaders met to discuss unity, cooperation, and climate goals, then immediately disagreed on lunch and proceeded to order dinner proving geopolitics is basically Real Housewives with flags and sharp cutlery. Over in Asia, officials talked long-term strategy while markets reacted like they just heard a reboot of Friends and Cheers was happening… again.

Sports, Culture & Vibes:
In sports, LeBron James continued defying time like he’s got Wolverine’s healing factor, while Patrick Mahomes reminded the NFL that gravity is optional on any given Sunday. Hollywood announced three reboots—Back to the Future’s Future, Fast & Furious 14, and something nobody asked for, while Taylor Swift existing continued to stabilize morale more effectively than most government policies and backroom bribes. Health experts from the American Heart Association, CDC, WHO, Dr. Vivek Murthy and Dr. Manhattan gently suggested less stress and more sleep, rinse wash and repeat, advice received by the ~~pubic~~ public while stress-eating popcorn and reheating pizza in a Tupperware bowl “for portion control.” and being so 70’s.

Same planet. Same chaos. Different episode. Same channel. NO salt, extra butter. 🍿🍕